The Way of
Graciousness
“That is why
I say to you, don’t worry about living—wondering what you are going to eat or
drink, or what you are going to wear. Surely life is more important than food,
and the body more important than the clothes you wear. Look at the birds in the
sky. They never sow nor reap nor store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly
Father feeds them. Aren’t you much more valuable to him than they are? Can any
of you, however much he worries, make himself an inch taller? And why do you
worry about clothes? Consider how the wild flowers grow. They neither work nor
weave, but I tell you that even Solomon in all his glory was never arrayed like
one of these! Now if God so clothes the flowers of the field, which are alive
today and burnt in the stove tomorrow, is he not much more likely to clothe
you, you ‘little-faiths’? So don’t worry and don’t keep saying, ‘What shall we
eat, what shall we drink or what shall we wear?! That is what pagans are always
looking for; your Heavenly Father knows that you need them all. Set your heart
on the kingdom and his goodness, and all these things will come to you as a
matter of course. Don’t worry at all then about tomorrow. Tomorrow can take
care of itself! One day’s trouble is enough for one day.” Matthew
6:25-34 J.B. Phillips New Testament
Hi, my name is Matt and I am a
constant worrier. I know, I know, it’s hard to believe that under this calm,
cool exterior there is a bubbling tar pit of anxiety. But it’s true. I’m a
worrier. This is the season of worry, is it not? Oh, right – its supposed to be
the season of thanks. But the time between Thanksgiving and the New Year is a
period for perfectly reasonable, and possibly obsessive, perturbation. There
are gifts to buy, meals to plan, gatherings to attend. In our house, there are
birthdays and anniversaries to plan on top of it all. Another round of multiple
college tuition payment is coming up, along with all the other holiday purchases
we put on our credit cards. The New Year begins with an avalanche of debt.
I am a worrier. One worry leads
to another.
I worry about my kid’s safety.
I worry about having enough
money.
I worry about email.
I worry if I have hurt someone's
feelings.
I worry about whether the US will
extradite Gulen to Turkey as a trade-off for information against Saudi Arabia.
I worry about wearing the right
thing.
I worry about whether I turned
the stove off before I left home.
I worry about the fluid levels in
my car, because I keep meaning to refill the washer fluid, but then I forget
until I the next time I use my windshield washer, and the fluid that dribbles
out isn’t enough to do the job, and it just leaves white streaks on the window
that pick up the sun’s glare, and it’s already hard enough drive around here as
it is, forget about having the added obstruction of a dirty windshield.
I worry if my breath stinks.
I worry about Homeland Security.
I worry about America
I worry about Brexit
I worry that Conspiracy Theories
might be correct
I worry about the Big Earthquake
scientists tell us to expect
Since we already had snow this
past week, I worry that there will be too many snow days this year and the kids
will be home too much.
I worry that I’m not going to be
able to live up to the selfies I just posted online.
I worry that the dream I had last
night might come true and be a premonition of an unbearable dystopian future.
I’m worried that mobile phones
are taking over our lives.
I worry that Alexa is really
listening in on everything we say at home, even though she keeps insisting she
is not.
My house smells funny, sometimes.
Should I be worried?
My car was broken into a few
weeks ago, in my own driveway. Well, technically, someone just opened the door
because I left the car unlocked in my driveway overnight. Nothing was taken,
but now I worry about my car, and my wife’s car, and our doors, and our locks,
and whether we need video cameras.
You get the idea. It’s not just
enough to worry. I feel guilty when I worry too much. I feel guilty that I’m
spending time worrying when I should be living my life. And when that starts …
I feel guilty over how much water
I use in the shower.
I feel guilty for making
mistakes.
I feel guilty for not being a
better father.
I feel guilty for getting so
angry at other drivers during my commute.
I feel guilty for what my
ancestors may have done to others.
I feel guilty when I don't
instantly help someone the minute I feel that nudge.
I feel guilty for running a hot
yellow traffic light.
I feel horribly guilty for
running a red Light.
I feel guilty for not stopping
for pedestrians.
I feel guilty for judging others
harshly.
I feel guilty for not calling my
Parents, my brother, and children more often.
I feel guilty for having enough,
when so many around the world don't, but still finding a way to complain about
what I don’t have, even though I am blessed in so many ways.
I feel guilty for unanswered
emails (I told you it was a problem).
I feel guilty for posting those
selfies online in the first place, as if I’m that desperate for validation from
others.
I feel guilty for stuff I don't
even do!
I feel guilty about worrying
because Jesus says don’t worry. Seriously,
Jesus? Isn't your advice a little naive? I do need to plan and know where my
next meal is coming from and make sure my family is clothed. I just hear him
now.
Jesus: "Look at the birds of
the air; they neither sow nor reap, nor gather into barns, and yet God feeds
them. Are you not of more value than they. Can you add a single hour to your
span of life by worrying?"
Me: No, I guess not, but . . .
Jesus: “So why do you worry about
clothing?”
Me: Well, because I need to be
appropriately dressed for various occasions and at least try to be somewhat up
to date. And I don’t like to smell bad.
Jesus: "Consider the lilies
of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even
Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. If God so clothes
the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the
oven, will he not much more clothe you, you of little faith?”
Me: Why do you keep making these
nature analogies? And, maybe worry serves a useful function sometimes? I mean,
maybe I worry because I care.
Jesus: "Therefore do not
worry, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we
wear?'”
Me: All right. I get that you're
not going to budge on the worry issue. But tell me this: What am I to do with
all that mental free time I used to spend worrying?
Jesus: “Set your heart on the
kingdom and God’s goodness, and all the rest of these things will come to you
as a matter of course.”
I resist this advice. Jesus’s
sounds so immoderate, absolute, and extreme in his guidance about how to live.
He says give up all the worry and serve God. I think that’s one of the things
you are NOT supposed to say to someone who is having an anxiety attack.
I’ve thought about this passage.
I’ve prayed about it and meditated on it. For weeks. I sought after God’s
goodness as I prepared for today. One word keeps coming back to me for some
reason: graciousness. Be gracious.
At first, the word doesn’t make
sense. Why gracious? It conjures up ideas of Victorian-era manners – you know,
having a stiff upper lip, being polite so as not to embarrass others unduly,
letting trifles go with dignified poise. Graciousness is much more than refined
manners, though. The word graciousness, after all, comes from the word grace.
In Judaism and Christianity,
grace is the spontaneous gift of affection, mercy and compassion. God shows
mercy, even to those who do not deserve it. God consoles the afflicted and raises
up the oppressed. That is graciousness. In Chinese philosophy, when the heart
feels empathy, in especially for the oppressed, a person has been touched by
grace.
Nelson Mandela is often mentioned
as a person who showed graciousness towards people, including his former
captors. He is often quoted as saying,
“As I walked out the door toward the gate
that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and
hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”
Gracious people are kind. Grace believes
the best of people and draws it out of them. There is nothing cowardly about a
gracious person. Grace helps a person face up to ridicule, slander,
unforgiveness, and hatred … and even worry.
When worry sloshes around in my
head like dirty laundry in my washing machine, grace helps me get out of the
spin cycle. How? By tending to the needs
of other people instead of worrying about my own. Oh wait – that’s what Jesus
was talking about! Seek first God’s kingdom. Seek first God’s goodness! God’s
kindness. God’s graciousness. Gracious people love without condition; despite
our political preferences or doctrinal differences; no matter who we love or
how we identify ourselves; regardless of our taste in music, clothes, movies,
or hobbies; and beyond all our faults and weaknesses. Perhaps we are never more
like God than when we give grace to someone else.
The next time I stand on the
brink of the sinkhole of worry, I can start to become more aware. By the way,
did you know last Friday, New Hampshire Avenue was closed between Chalmers Road
and Powder Mill Road due to a sinkhole? Traffic was snarled and school busses
were rerouted. With all of this rain, sinkholes can appear anywhere … aaaaand there
I go again with the worry. Breathe deeply. Become aware. All shall be well. All
shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well. Now, who needs me to
show them some grace today? Some graciousness? Let’s start there. Actually,
let’s start with me offering some graciousness to myself. And then, in this
season of worry, maybe I can seek God by connecting to Irresistible Grace.
Perhaps I can offer acceptance with less conditions. Love without apprehension.
More mercy with less worry. Just for today. And then I can let tomorrow take
care of itself.
Sources:
https://www.patheos.
com/resources/additional-resources/2011/02/no-easy-answers-reflections-on-matthew-alyce-mckenzie-02-21-2011.aspx?p=2
https://www.bustle. com/p/11-things-to-never-say-to-someone-who-has-anxiety-61031
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